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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 22:36:26 GMT
She smiled back at Kiriha. Out of the two them he was certainly the amazing one. He wasn't just healing but fighting, taking down those monsters that hurt so many people. Still...The monsters had to have some degree of sentience. They didn't attack each other, just people. And..No, there was no way she could fight, to hurt another living thing...She couldn't even picture it. Perhaps she would have been able to save more lives by fighting but that...That just wasn't her.
"All things considered, pretty good," she responded. Then she made a face. "But I got a letter from my father and I've been dreading opening it." Typically such correspondences made her want to cry. That was assuming she didn't actually cry which plenty of times she did. She wanted to believe that this letter was different, that this time her father would say he was proud of her instead of well...doing the very him thing and making her regret her existence entirely.
She dug the envelope out of her pocket. She'd been carrying the thing around for two days now, trying to work up the nerve to open up. Her fingers quivered as she thought maybe she might just..But no. She really didn't need this after losing Mr. Jenkins. She hurriedly shoved the letter back in her pocket and then smiled back at Kiriha, trying to pretend she was perfectly fine. "How have you been?"
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 29, 2014 22:48:22 GMT
"I'm fine," he told her, "I'm more concerned about that letter of yours." He reached over for her pocket and looked at her, "You should open it. It might be important." He didn't know anything about he and her father, otherwise he might not be trying to get her to open it, "Don't you want to know what he has to say?"
As far as he was concerned, he was just looking out for her sake. He didn't talk to his family that much, just because work got in the way. He wanted to at least hope she had a good relationship with her family, and was just trying to help her out.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 22:56:37 GMT
Akane sighed. He was right. She couldn't keep putting this off forever. It was stupid anyways. She'd been in a constant state of fear and wouldn't be able to relax at all until she read it. She was a bundle of nerves. Bundle of nerves! But...Reading it would likely make her feel a whole lot worse. But...It wasn't going away. And what if Kiriha was right? What if it was important news? Best to treat it like a band-aid you needed to rip off. Brace yourself and get it over with quickly. No waiting around would make anything marginally better.
She sighed again. "You're right. It could be important." Doubtful. But there was the potential. She didn't answer his question. That answer was a heart felt NO!
Akane dug the letter back out of her pocket and took a deep breath. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. She tore it open and reluctantly extracted the piece of paper inside and began to read. Her heart caught in her throat at the first line. Her eyes immediately darted away, not being able to continue. If she was alone she would have dropped the letter. But she didn't want Kiriha to see it. It felt like a knife was cruelly being twisted in her chest. She had to finish. Had to finish.
She forced her eyes to go back to the piece of paper. She read another sentence; and, she bit her lip to try and keep her eyes from watering.
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 29, 2014 23:04:04 GMT
He watched her and had a bad feeling coming to him as he did so. "Akane?" he asked. Something didn't seem right about this, but he wasn't sure what to make of it. Was there a problem with her family life that he didn't know about? He didn't want to ask her any specific questions about it, because it wasn't his place.
"Are you ok?" There, that was a good question, it didn't ask about the contents, it asked about her state of being. That's what was important here. He reached forward and put his hand on her shoulder to give her at least some level of comfort, hopefully.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 23:10:53 GMT
She felt cold, really really cold. It was funny the way bodies responded to stress and pain. She wondered if everyone was like that. When others were really depressed or hurt or ashamed did they get this overwhelming sense of numbness. No point in trying to find a jacket, though. This was psychological and nothing would make her feel warmer.
"Mmm?" she asked noncommittally, voice wavering even on that short syllable when Kiriha said her name. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to cry. Not here. Not here.
"I'm..." Her hand shook as she read the next sentence and a single tear fell. She hurriedly wiped it away.
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 29, 2014 23:15:33 GMT
He stood up and just put an arm around her without a word. He didn't want to say anything, because he didn't know what he could say. He didn't know what was going on, but it wasn't good, he knew that much. It was sadness or pain, something that brought her to tears.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 23:20:33 GMT
She dropped the letter face down, not even bothering to finish reading it. She couldn't cope right now. Kiriha put an arm around her and she hugged him tightly burying her head in his shirt, not wanting him to see the tears she knew weren't far behind. Her body trembled as she tried to force back the sobs.
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 29, 2014 23:22:18 GMT
He glanced down at the letter, but even if it was face up, he wouldn't try to read it. He just circled his other arm around her and held her tight. He was her friend, and he was here for her, for whatever she needed. He cared about her wellbeing and just wanted her to be happy. Something was keeping her from that.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 23:26:58 GMT
She needed to pull herself together. It wasn't right for her to fall apart like this. It wasn't fair to Kiriha who had suffered enough today. Why..After all this time how could Father continue to hurt her like this? How did he always know just what to say to break her down and move her to tears? She should know better by now. He'd never approve, never show any sense of caring. Why did she bother to read the letters? She should just burn each and every one of them. But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she already knew she wouldn't. She'd keep hoping and he'd keep disappointing her.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered, not being able to let go just yet. She was still crying. She at least needed to wait until the tears had stopped.
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 29, 2014 23:29:33 GMT
"You don't need to be sorry. You never need to be sorry," he told her softly. He couldn't think of any time he'd ever seen her like this. She'd always been strong, but then again, he never could remember her speaking of family for the most part. Something was definitely wrong in there, but it was none of his business, so he wouldn't ask. He wanted to, he wanted to know what he could do for her, but he couldn't ask anything.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 29, 2014 23:36:37 GMT
She finally released Kiriha once the tears had stopped flowing. Her eyes were red but there was no avoiding that. And it wasn't like he wouldn't know she'd cried. She'd gotten his shirt wet and and she was still shaking.
Akane rubbed at her eyes and tried to smile but her smile wavered. "I'm so stupid. I should know better by now."
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 30, 2014 2:47:23 GMT
"You should know what?" he asked her softly. He didn't know what she might be trying to get at, and needed more information. His words were gentle, however, because he was concerned. There was definitely something with her family at play here, but what, he had no idea. He'd never met them, after all.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 30, 2014 2:58:31 GMT
"Dad hates me." She tried to say it like it was a joke, like it was no big deal but she failed miserably. Her smile faltered and her eyes watered. "The sooner I accept that the better." And of course it wasn't just him that hated her. Her step-mother hated her too. Jun was the only decent one but he still tormented her in front of his parents to please them. But that wasn't his fault. She couldn't hold that against him.
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Post by Kiriha Kyuuseishu on Apr 30, 2014 3:17:09 GMT
"How can he hate you?" Kiriha asked her softly, "You're amazing. And...and he's your father." The ability of a parent to hate a child just struck him as something that was so wrong. Accept it? Well, he was sure she had enough time to think this through and come to this "conclusion", if that's what she wanted to think of it as. He didn't feel like it was one, because he still didn't see how this could be.
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Post by Akane Himura on Apr 30, 2014 3:36:39 GMT
Akane couldn't make eye contact. She didn't like admitting this, even to herself. Because he was her father and she loved him. She was supposed to love him, right? She was his daughter. It was an evil thing for a child not to love their parent.
She filled with a string of her hair studying that instead of Kiriha. "I killed Mom. He doesn't forgive me. That's why I'm name Akane, deep red for the crimson color of all the blood that was spilled when I was born." She tried to laugh it off but she just ended up sobbing.
She hurried dabbed at her eyes. She took a deep breath. "But...It's okay. It's enough that you think I'm amazing." She was really grateful that he was trying to cheer her up. She didn't feel amazing and she wasn't okay. She just...Why wasn't anything she did good enough? Why wouldn't her father accept her?
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